mad in pursuit journal
5.4.03 Chaos & order
It all started, I guess, when some perversity made me grab the rod in my closet while I reached to hang up some clothes. The packed-in, heavy mass of winter clothes was suddenly packed in on the floor on top of all my shoes.
Then somehow, the sound went out on my computer.
All this, and the cable box in my study keeps dropping channels.
And all the while, I'd been salivating over getting a cool new flat panel TV and, naturally, a DVD player to go with it. Could my cable problem be due to my tiny little portable TV?
The road to hell is paved with mechanical devices.
I had a creative project in mind for yesterday morning, but instead went on a wild goose chase to a string of home improvement superstores (because I had the little plastic replacement piece for my closet all along) and to the electronics superstore for soul-soothing treats.
By late afternoon, the second floor of our town house was a mess: piles of winter clothes, piles of summer clothes, packing boxes, new TVs, old TVs, new speakers, old speakers, etc. Nothing really worked. The first closet fix (which inspired me to get out my summer clothes) crashed, so I actually had to dig out the power drill and sort through bags of miscellaneous nuts and bolts to engineer a new solution.
The first TV I got was wrong -- it was more of a computer monitor that you could hook up your cable to. No thanks. Back to the superstore.
I installed a different pair of speakers to the computer, thinking the originals might have gotten zapped in this week's thunderstorms. Nope. Still silent unless I used the earphones. When I tried to reinstall the soundcard drivers, I stopped getting sound altogether. Time for bed.
This morning: up at 6 -- a new day.
:: Newly installed closet rod holding. Stuffed winter clothes into
the back of J's closet. Summer clothes out.
So here it is, 4 o'clock. Everything neatened up and basically operational. I even painted my toenails.
Jackson thought I was being hyper-organized. But it's more complicated than that. I need a change. Even though what I crave is a "new order," I always have to start by creating total chaos. Then I can't stand it. I obsess. Everything needs to be put away. Everything needs to work the way it's supposed to. Eventually, there is physical order. Then I'm more prepared for the real challenges ahead.