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10.5.04 Expectations for the VP Debate

I'm thinking about what I want from the Edwards-Cheney debate tonight. I have an assignment from the local newspaper to contribute an editorial letter by the time they finish speaking, for Wednesday's paper. I'm trying to get the criteria for my decision-making prepared in advance.

No, I am not an UNDECIDED. I am in the Anybody-But-Bush camp and Kerry is shaping up to be a smart, thoughtful choice.

My questions are these: Will Edwards advance Kerry's election chances? Will Cheney manage to pull Bush's ass out of the fire?

My expectation is that Cheney will be solemn -- gravitas, they call it -- throwing in just a tad of fake self-deprecating humor about not being as cute as Edwards. He will go on to intone the dangers of today's world. Mr. Worst-Case-Scenario. Tiredly (to prove that it's such "hard work"), he will proclaim that the Administration is on the right track and woe-betide-us if we change horses in midstream. God help America if we trade out the warriors for the good-hair boys.

If Cheney is smart, he'll cut the crap about Saddam = Osama and Iraq was needed because of 9/11, because we're all over that horse hockey. If he's smart, he'll have his facts together and come across like George Smiley, John LeCarre's sad-faced gnome of a spymaster, as played by Alec Guiness. I know the truth. I'm not glamorous, but I take care of business. If he really has his act together, he'll come up with one of those repeatable quips that cut John Edwards off at the knees.

As for Edwards: he's been a little too invisible. Unless reporters just aren't covering him, he isn't doing the expected VP attack dog work. Kerry has been left to be both presidential and doberman-like. Tricky.

It would be great if Mr. Sunshine could exhibit good humor, charm, and get off a few rapier-like witticisms at Bush administration expense.

I also expect him to have the same light-footed mastery of facts as Kerry.

Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. The Mohammed Ali strategy.

He should leave Cheney looking like a tired old man who has wandered hopelessly off track. A beaten, flat-footed heavyweight. You can be sure Dick won't be making chimp faces like W, but maybe his face will get caught in a sort of snide rictus, which can be played endlessly over the internet with captions like dead or alive?

I'm clarifying my expectations, outlining my criteria for success/failure. I am also getting some of this off my chest because I know I won't be able to say it for the newspaper (though I do like the Mohammed Ali quote).

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